Luke had Obi-Wan, the Von Trapp kids had Sister Maria, Frodo had Gandalf and Harry Potter had Dumbledore. Who do you have? Who is your mentor? Who is walking with you through this season of change…this land between…this liminal space?
Over the last month I’ve been thinking and writing about the lonely and confusing seasons in our journey. How do we not lose our courage or our minds as we travel through the fog? I’ve suggested how crucial it is that we pay attention…
“If ever there was a starting point for navigating the land between, it must be practicing the habit of self-awareness. We must meditate on our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We have to process our losses, anxieties and longings if we don’t want to get stuck in limbo. To know ourselves is to make better decisions, improve our relationships, increase our self-confidence, set good goals and pray more effectively…all crucial skills for getting through liminal spaces.”
Part of that self-awareness must be a focus on our life story…
“The life we have lived is not simply history – it is also a mystery. And if we pay attention to our life’s journey…if we “let our lives speak” as the old Quaker saying goes… we can discern a purpose that can guide us through the transitions and liminal spaces we face.”
Attentiveness to our lives is crucial, but it is not enough to get us through liminal spaces. We need companions because…wow… it can sure be lonely. And when I say companions, I have a particular kind of human being in mind. Friends are good, family is essential, but when the fog rolls in and your next steps seem particularly confusing, a faithful mentor is gold. Do you have one? Are you unsure?
A mentor is an experienced, trusted confidant and adviser. There are two types of mentors – classic mentors, who are older than you, and co-mentors, who are around your same age. There are, of course, professional mentors whom you hire for guidance, but I am speaking of those who guide you purely out of love and care.
Still not sure if you have a mentor in your life? Here is a checklist of characteristics that make for good mentors:
- Good mentors bring joy into your calendar. When you see that you are down to have coffee with them on Friday, you have a sense of positive anticipation. You smile.
- Good mentors show up on your calendar regularly. It may be yearly, monthly or more frequently, but they are not random, one-off appointments. And before you depart from meeting with them, you may even set up your next time together.
- Good mentors check in occasionally between meetings, even if it’s just a quick text message to see how it’s going.
- Good mentors remember. When you next see them, they ask about the thing you were worrying about the last time you met. Or they say happy birthday because they know. Or they pick up with where you left off. You don’t have to repeat things with good mentors.
- Good mentors have seen some things. They’ve gone through the good, the bad, the ugly and the wondrous in their lifetime and are not unwilling to reflect on it all.
- Good mentors show emotion. They weep with those who weep and laugh with those who laugh. Their love is not clinical. It is passionate.
- Good mentors listen way more than they talk. And they are always curious to know something more about you.
- Good mentors’ advice is sound. They are thoughtful, measured and wise.
- Good mentors illuminate you. I wrote recently about the nature of illuminators. How wonderful it is to sit across from a person who says,“Can I tell you what I see in you…?” They bring clarity when everything else is cloudy.
So…do you have somebody (or somebodies) like that in your life? If you do, you are truly blessed! And even if your liminal space journey is long and daunting, you will not walk it alone.
Wondering how to find or gain a mentor in your life? Stay tuned. In my next newsletter and post I’ll address that. In the meantime, my hope and prayer for you is that you’ll look around and see that you’re not alone!
Let me know if I can help…especially if you’re struggling with your sense of calling. Forward this to someone who might benefit and write back… I read every email and post!
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
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